they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
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