I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
