You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize