Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
