put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
