I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
