On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
