Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
