If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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