i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
