just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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