do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
