Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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