My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I've blown a few things in my day
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
