GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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