maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
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obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
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If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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