She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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