Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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