and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
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Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
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She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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