Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i dont even know how to be here
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
