I faked an abortion last night.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
