I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
