Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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