I wish I could punch you in the face.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
