Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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