I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
