He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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