I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
