I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
