i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
