nut hugger
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
