great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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