Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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