Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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