my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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