Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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