I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize