when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
