i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
