I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
