Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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