All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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