Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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