You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
