I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
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Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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