She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
