3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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