At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
