i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
