Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
