You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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