Define "chronic" masturbator.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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