Me. At least after what I've been through.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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