I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I can text with my tongue
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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