yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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