Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
