No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
