I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
